BECAUSE OF HER, I ALWAYS SAY "KEEP IT UP!!!"

I share this article again, because suddenly I remember my lovely sister.

I hate hospital, I hate the doctors and the nurses. It remind me about my sister. I have one young brother and one young sister. My age and my sister’s age are very close. The difference is only one year and ten month.

Since kid, we were never separated and always the same in every way, same use good clothes,  same use shoes and others. She's smarter and more intelligent than me. Since elementary school, she always be a champion in her class. Junior and senior high school also always be champion in study.

She has a lot of excess. She's smarter, more patient, has a white skin, have kind heart and talkactive. She was also active in the school. We both graduated in the top universities in Indonesia at Depok. We were both students invitation at there (enter without university test). I was majoring in math and she is in computer science, despite the fact she wanted medical school (to be a doctor). I also have a younger brother. He's the youngest child and very spoiled. He's smart and creative. But sometimes he is a lazy boy. I graduated from college in 4 years. I am working directly on one of the foreign companies that produce soft drink (beverages) in west Java. In June, 2007. 

At 2007, my sister was sick, she went to the campus clinic, one of the special clinics for students college. But the pain continued, until at the end of the year 2007 she was verdicted to suffer a malignant tumor of the lymph.  She got a surgery, but the surgery is fail.

In February, 2008 she got a radiotherapy and continued with chemotherapy. But it was fail too. Until she passed away on 12^th September, 2008 after she got 7^th chemotherapy. As long as she got sick, she never complaint and always be patient. She taugh and strong. She was always eager to recover from illness. Never forget pray, never give up and keep calm. I love her very much as my sister. During her lifetime, she always give me spirit for everything. We had a dream. We had a big dream. Although we never do it together. I hope, I can do it. I can reach our dream. Amin

She wrote a first letter that I found (https://www.facebook.com/notes/melly/aku-tahu-kau-akan-selalu-menjagaku/451475200629). She told about her feeling after surgery, and finally she knew the doctor fail to do it. She always eager to get health from illness. She wanted to continued her college. She wanted to meet her friends. She told that, “My dream became a doctor, although not reached, I’ve been in a doctor’s environment for a long time.” I sad to hear that.

She left a second letter (https://www.facebook.com/notes/melly/remember-my-lovely-sister-rissa-dwi-oktavianty/10150428089785630). She told that she proud of her friends who had graduated as a computer scientist. “Pray for me that I will soon follow you. Amin.” She also said thank to lecturer, friends, and others who  help us at that time.

However, her dream to follow her friend is not reach. She passed away on September 12, 2008, Friday morning on Ramadhan. She passed away in holy month and all her friends at campuss did Ghaib Prayer for her after Jummah prayer at the mosque. We miss her so much. We miss her smile, her laughter, her cry, her smart and her humor. Now she stand beside God. I always get motivation from her. I always say “KEEP IT UP and GO AHEAD” to other. Because without it we can’t do anything.

Furthermore, my brother go on her dream. Now he studied at Computer Science in Jakarta. We miss her so much. She had a quite life beside God.

Because of her, I always just wanna say KEEP IT UP and GO AHEAD others.

Love you My Sister...^_^

My Lovely Sister

Remeber My Lovely Sister

...

Buat yang lagi, KP, SP, TA, dan semuanya....

Assalamu'alaikum wr wb

Apa kabar semuanya. ???

Bingung juga mau nulis apa. Pengennya di rapel dari beberapa bulan ini. 

Lagi pada deadline semuanya ya? 

SUKSES YA!!! Yang pada mau sidang baik itu SP< KP atau TA.

Boeat semuanya...

Arya.. Makasih banyak atas semuanya. Salama buat mamanya. makasih banyak samape di sini pun masih selalu memberi informasi yang berguna untuk kesehatan dan daya tahan tubuhku. Salam ya... Makasih support-nya. Bu Leli udah jadi kayak ibu ke dua nih. Doanya, dukungannya, dan semua2nya. Semua beliau selalu sehat walafiat. Dan buat Arya sebagai teman KP, selamat berjuang ya untuk TA-nya. Moga cepat kelar. Makasih dah mau ngurusin semuanya.. Informasiin sama temen2 dan alumni juga.

Alida.. Salam juga buat mama nya (Bu Leli). Makasih banyak atas doanya. Sukses buat sidang ya...

Ratih, Vitut, dan Nuril yang dah pada wisuda dan lulus 3,5 taon...

Ario, Hafiz, Adit, Ame, Hendra Dwi. Makasih buat sumbangan darahnya.. Moga genius kalian semua nular sama gw. hehehe... Walau pun masih baru pertama kali nyumbangin darah, tapi semuanya berani. Darahnya kuat juga nih. Gw jadi drakula. Bisa bertahan untuk operasi, sinar radioterapi sama kemoterapi.. hehehe... Tapi nggak ada virus khan.. (becanda koq... :)) Semuanya pada TA ya.. Kapan sidang? Moga lulus semua. Dapat A deh..

Mella.. Mea makasih banyak ya.. Sukses buat TA. Ntar kalau dah lulus sering2 main ke kos juga ya. Makasih udah mau digangguin malam2.. hehehe

Sawie Makasih buat banyolan or ketawa2nya.. Lagi ngapain sekarang Wi?

Tuti.. kayaknya di kontes emang loe yang mirio gw deh.. hahahha

Angky.. makasih sampai mw ubah konsep acara liburannya.. nggak terlepas dari kerelaan teman2 yang juga sih.. Dimana di tempat kerja baru?

Verra... enak yah.. udah sidang. Tinggal wisuda aja lagi.. Senangnya...

Intan... Gimana Ntan kapan ke Boekittinggi?

Aprilia.. Udah siap buat sidang?

Eva Makasih atas tausiyah2nya. Buat jadi lebih semangat dan lebih sabar

Elly dan Mega makasih juga ya.. dah nanyain kabar?

Ipro Gimana SP loe bareng bidadari2? Seneng dong. hehehe... 

Ucie Baa kaba? Taragak jua ica. Iyo uci tambat ndut saketek (Roaming2...) Lah sudah TA? Lah lamo nggak main ka ITC hahaha..

Aurora dan Eliza.. Udah mantap nih buat sidang.. 

Gita Yang udah nyante nih... Jangan lupa traktir gw ya.. Makasih.. :)

Alan Makasih bukunya ya.. Saran2nya juga. 

Afif, Wasu, Tanto, Moja, Dani, Rivki, Femphy.. makasih saran2nya. Sukses buat sidang nya ya...

Mahen... Bilo ka pulang Mahen? Lah salasai urusan mahen sadonyo? Makasih untuak saran dan tukar pikirannyo...

Ansari.. Gimana dengan keponakan loe.. Sukses nggak. Sory nggak sempat nonton waktu itu.

Ihsan.. Bilo pulang da? 

Jono.. Udah kelar ya.. Tinggal sidang

Koro Gimana denganTA lu? Depsos nya gimana? Dilanjutin nggak? Moga nggak kapok kerjasama bareng gw.

Mala Temen yang super cuek. Tapi gw suka. Makasih ya.. SUkses buat TA.

Mimi Dah lama nggak ketemu. Biasanya kalau di asrama gw sering kamar loe. Makasih supportnya ya..

Mika Makasih ya dukungannya. Gimana kabar di Ausi..

RAP!!! SP loe dah kelar ya (kan bareng sawie, intan ma jono juga)?

Rendra Pendiem banget. Terlalu lurus. Tapi baik dan rajin bangeeet..

Smile Semoga dirimu selalu tersenyum. Makasih ya.. dah datang berulang2 ke RS

Ilyas.. Kok nggak bilang2 sih... ???

Hadi, Thoha, Riza

Jere, Ryan, Daniel A , Daniel C,Cybil, Adoen, Bacup, Wisnu, Wamir, Rangga, Adolf, Adri, Dado, Desmon, Rado, Joji, Andre, (adiknya Eliza :)) Buat semua Makasih banyak..

Adrianus Gimana mw KP di Trakindo lagi? hehehe Tapi jangan jadi tragedi..

Richard .. sang master of the Master. Udah berada di mana nih sekarang??? Udah melanglang buana? 

 This is the second her letter ...

Untuk semuanya yang tersebut  di atas bukan kerarti melupakan.. Semoga semuanya Baik-baik aja. TEtap semangat. Ntar lagi sidang nih.. Buat yang mw wisuda. Selamat ya.. ! Moga tercapai apa yang diinginkan.

Sampai sejauh ini, makasih banyak. Nggak tahu lagi mau ucapin apaan. Kayaknya nggak cukup. Makasih atas dukungannya. Selama gw dirawat, sesudah dirawat bahkan sampai sekarang makasih karna udah ngurusin semua. Gw bener2 dapatin temen2 yang begitu baik. Bahkan lebih dari keluarga. Bikin kita mempunyai sanak saudara di sini walaupun nggak terlalu kenal. 

Makasih banyak atas support, buku, film2 dan semuanya. Udah bikin gw tertawa. Bikin gw semangat lagi untuk berobat. 

Makasih banyak Ya Allah.. Untuk lingkungan yang baik ini.

Doa in gw bisa masuk kuliah, or nyampe di UI sebelum kalian pada wisuda (30 Agustus 2008).

:)

Aku Tahu Kau Akan Selalu Menjagaku (I Know You Will Always Take Care Of Me)

This is my sister letter, She got a Lymph Cancer. She wrote before she passed away...

14 Januari 2008….

“MbakRissa bangun.. Itu mamanya”, terdengar suara dokter Intan. Dokter muda dan cantik, sedang mengambil spesialis dan residen di RSCM. Perlahan-lahan aku mencoba membuka mataku. Tapi kenapa berat sekali ya. Terlihat mama, papa dan Kak Melly sedang melihat sedih padaku. Matanya sembab, aku mau tersenyum dan bilang aku baik-baik saja, tapi bibir ini terasa berat. “Alhamdulillah ya Allah. Operasinya telah selesai dan aku selamat”. Tidak lama, aku tertidur lagi. 

Sebenarnya tidak tidur juga sih, tapi mataku tidak bisa kompromi. aku langsung tertidur. Samar-samar aku mendengar dokter bilang “Dia minum apa sih. Kok lama banget ya tidurnya”.Tak lama setelah itu, datang lagi sepupuku Ni Ria dan Da Un (orang Padang menyebut kakak perempuan Uni atau disingkat Ni dan kakak laki-laki Uda atau disingkat Da). Aku dibangunkan lagi, dan sekarang sudah berada di ruang ICU Toraks RSCM. Kemudian disusul lagi dengan teman kuliahku Arya dan ibunya Bu Leli. 

Waktu itu aku hanya bisa melihat saja mungkin dengan sedikit senyum yang tersungging di bibir. Setidaknya aku merasa memberikan senyum pada mereka yang datang. Sedikit-demi sedikit aku mulai tersadar. Aku melihat badanku, yang semuanya dipenuhi kabel. Ada tali infuse, pengukur detak jantung, mulutku juga ditutup dengan alat Bantu pernafasan, dan banyak lagi tali-tali lainnya yang bikin aku juga bingung. Tapi yang jelas aku melihat bagian dadaku yang semula bengkak sekarang telah rata. Alhamdulillah… berarti operasinya berhasil. Tapi aku bingung, yang dioperasi kan dada kok yang yang diperban malah dari leher sebelah kanan sampai hampir mencapai pusar ya. Apa sel kankernya sudah menyerang sejauh itu? Dan aku lihat kedua tanganku bengkak dan terasa berat.

Yap… Aku menjalani operasi toraks karena ada pembengkakan di bagian dada superior. Setelah melakukan CT Scan, aku didiagnosa limfoma atau timoma yang telah mencapai sub cutan (lapisan kulit paling luar) dan mendestruksi tulang sternum. Dan setelah menjalani biopsy ternyata aku mengidap timoma. Artinya ada tumor di kelenjar timusku. Dan akhinya aku menjalani operasi.

Aku terbangun lagi karena aku merasa ada yang meraba kakiku. Ternyata papa sedang mencoba mengurut kakiku. Papa kelihatan sedih sekali. Dan mama, matanya bengkak. Uni Melly juga matanya merah. Semuanya diam dan muram. Apakah mereka terharu? “Hei aku kan sudah selesai operasi dan aku baik-baik saja kan sekarang”, ingin rasanya meneriakkan kata-kata itu pada mereka tapi mulut ini serasa disumpal apalagi waktu itu aku pakai oksigen.

Aku tertidur lagi dan entah jam berapa aku terbangun. Nafasku sesak, aku bingung, panic dan sepertinya lupa bagaimana caranya bernafas. Aku mencoba menghirup nafas dari hidung sekuat tenaga tetapi paru-paruku terasa masih kosong dan tidak ada udara yang melewati kerongkongan. Aku mencoba memanggil dokter atau suster, pokoknya orang yang berada di sekitar ruangan itu. Akhirnya ada yang melihatku, dan bertanya “ada apa Rissa”. Aku mau bilang “aku susah nafas” tapi suaraku tidak keluar. 

Akhirnya aku menggunakan tanganku dan menunjuk-nunjuk ke arah hidungku. Semuanya bingung dengan maksudku dan aku pun juga bingung bagaimana cara mengungkapkannya. Akhirnya ada yang mengerti juga. “Mau melepasin alatnya?”. Aku mengangguk. Susternya mendekatiku, “belum bisa sayang”. “Coba nafas seperti biasa. Kembangkan dadanya, terus lepaskan, aku mendengar tarikan nafas berat yang mengiringi nafasku tapi itu tidak keluar dari hidungku, ternyata dari alat bantu nafas yang dipasangkan padaku. 

Hanya bertahan beberapa saat, aku merasa sesak dan sukar bernafas lagi. Kali ini benar-benar tidak bisa kompromi. Karena merasa tidak digubris, akhirnya aku mulai memberontak dengan sekuat tenaga, mengoyang-goyangkan (dipan) tempat tidurku, dan melepaskan beberapa kabel pengukur detak jantung. Aku tidak peduli, yang aku tahu waktu itu aku sukar bernafas. Seorang suster datang menghampiri dan mulai mengikat tali di kakiku. “Ada apa ini? Kenapa diikat?”, teriak seorang dokter. “Biar nggak lepas lagi dok”, kata susternya. “Nggak usah. Kasihan, nggak perlulah sampai diikat”. “Maaf dok”, kata susternya. 

Sang suster menghampiriku dan bilang “Kamu agamanya islam kan?” Aku mengangguk. “Kalau begitu ngucap. Berzikir ya.. Yang sabar aja.”Sedikit tenang, aku bertabih pada Allah. Tapi tetap tidak berlangsung lama. Dari seberang aku mendengar para dokter ingin melepaskan alat itu, tapi ragu karena takutnya paru-paruku belum kembang. Jika belum kembali ke ukuran semula dan dilepaskan maka alat itu akan dipasang lagi dan aku akan merasakan sakit yang ke dua. 

“Tapi udah di rongentkan tadi?”. “Iya”. “Udah berapa lama? Kok hasilnya belum ada juga”. “Tadi udah diminta sama keluarganay tapi maish belum datang”. “Ya udah kalau begitu Tanya sama keluarganya”. “Nggak ada. Keluarganya nggak ada di luar. Cuma barangnya aja”. “Mungkin makan kali. Dari tadi udah capek”. Iya terus gimana nih. Buka aja, kasihan tadi waktu dipasangin dia belum sadar, sekarang setelah sadar pasti terasa sakit. “Gua nggak berani.” Entah apa yang terjadi, tiba-tiba saja pengukur kembang-kempisnya paru-paru tersebut hanya bergerak separonya yang artinya paru-paruku...

Numb by Linkin Park

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)

[Chorus:]
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there
Become so tired, so much more aware
I'm becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me,
Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control?
'Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you.
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you.
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take.

[Chorus:]
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there,
Become so tired, so much more aware
I'm becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you.

And I know
I may end up failing too.
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you.

[Chorus:]
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there,
Become so tired, so much more aware.
I'm becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you.

[Chorus:]
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there.
(I'm tired of being what you want me to be)
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there.
(I'm tired of being what you want me to be)

If You're Not The One by Danield Bedingfield

If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I'll never know what the future brings 
But I know you're here with me now
We’ll make it through 
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you’re not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don’t know why you’re so far away 
But I know that this much is true
We’ll make it through 
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you’re the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right
And though I can’t be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I could stay in your arms

You're Still The One by Shania Twain

When I first saw you, I saw love
And the first time you touched me, I felt love
And after all this time, you’re still the one I love

Looks like we made it
Look how far we’ve come my baby
We mighta took the long way
We knew we’d get there someday

They said, “I bet they’ll never make it”
But just look at us holding on
We’re still together still going strong

(You’re still the one)
You’re still the one I run to
The one that I belong to
You’re still the one I want for life

(You’re still the one)
You’re still the one that I love
The only one I dream of
You’re still the one I kiss good night

Ain’t nothin’ better
We beat the odds together
I’m glad we didn’t listen
Look at what we would be missin’

They said, “I bet they’ll never make it”
But just look at us holding on
We’re still together still going strong

(You’re still the one)
You’re still the one I run to
The one that I belong to
You’re still the one I want for life

(You’re still the one)
You’re still the one that I love
The only one I dream of
You’re still the one I kiss good night
You’re still the one

(You’re still the one)
You’re still the one I run to
The one that I belong to
You’re still the one I want for life

(You’re still the one)
You’re still the one that I love
The only one I dream of You’re still the one I kiss good night

I’m so glad we made it
Look how far we’ve come my baby

Big Big Wrold by Emilia

I’m a big, big girl in a big, big world
It’s not a big, big thing if you leave me
But I do, do feel that I do, do will miss you much
Miss you much

I can see the first leaf falling
It’s all yellow and nice
It’s so very cold outside
Like the way I’m feeling inside

I’m a big, big girl in a big, big world
It’s not a big, big thing if you leave me
But I do, do feel that I do, do will miss you much
Miss you much

Outside it’s now raining
And tears are falling from my eyes
Why did it have to happen
Why did it all have to end

I’m a big, big girl in a big, big world
It’s not a big, big thing if you leave me
But I do, do feel that I do, do will miss you much
Miss you much

I have your arms around me
Warm like fire
But when
I open my eyes
You’re gone

I’m a big, big girl in a big, big world
It’s not a big, big thing if you leave me
But I do, do feel that I do, do will miss you much
Miss you much

I’m a big, big girl in a big, big world
It’s not a big, big thing if you leave me
But I do feel I will miss you much
Miss you much